Thirty-eight to twenty-one looks like a hiding. Do not be fooled — that scoreline got dressed in the last thirteen minutes and is now walking around town pretending it earned the suit. For most of a fizzing, spicy, ill-disciplined Friday night in Cape Town, the DHL Stormers had the most feared team in rugby locked at 14-all and looking about as comfortable as a man who’s realised, mid-braai, that he left the gas on at home.
The All Blacks’ first game on South African soil in 30 years was supposed to be a coronation. Instead John Dobson’s Stormers turned it into a bar fight with a whistle. Deon Fourie — who by our count is roughly 108 years old and made entirely of scar tissue and stubbornness — crossed the line; Seabelo Senatla did Senatla things; a penalty try piled on; and DHL Stadium made a noise that hasn’t been heard in that building since the last time New Zealand were legally allowed to be nervous here.
Then, as great teams tragically tend to do, the All Blacks remembered who they were. Three tries in the closing exchanges — Rieko Ioane gliding, Taukei’aho and Aumua bulldozing — and suddenly the 14-all thriller had been laundered into a comfortable-looking 38-21. Six tries total. Four conversions. And a scoreboard that will lie to your grandchildren about how close this actually was.
For the tourists the truth is written in the ill-discipline and the inaccuracy: they coughed up penalties, butchered chances, and needed a full 67 minutes before they could relax. Dave Rennie will be delighted with the W and deeply, quietly rattled by the how. You do not want to head into a Sharks midweeker and then four Tests against the Boks having discovered that a Currie-Cup-flavoured Stormers side can throttle you for an hour.
For South Africa? Oh, this is nourishment. This is a starter platter. The franchises have declared open season, the crowds are ravenous, and the message from Cape Town to the entire touring party is simple and very, very Cape Town: welcome home, boys — the hug is warm, the tackles are warmer, and we’ve been saving this energy since 1996. Durban’s next. Then it gets serious.