Ireland brought the battering ram, the best available team, the Grand Slam scar tissue and a genuine belief that this was finally the year the fortress fell. Eden Park listened politely, then went 28-7 up by half-time and sent them home 40-21 with the one box on their glittering CV still stubbornly, gloriously blank. Fifty-three Tests unbeaten. The last team to win there brought a franc and a Nokia the size of a brick — France, 1994.
Four tries before the oranges
The hosts didn't build a lead, they detonated one. Patrick Tuipulotu, skipper Ardie Savea, Will Jordan and hooker Asafo Aumua all crossed while Ireland were still checking the map for the exits, and by the break it was 28-7 and the siege was already a formality. You cannot storm a castle that scores four times before you've located the drawbridge.
McKenzie and Lienert-Brown twist the knife
After the interval Damian McKenzie and Anton Lienert-Brown added the polish, because a haunted house always keeps a couple of extra frights for the second half. Ireland got their points and their pride, but never got the one thing they flew halfway round the planet for. That ground doesn't read the world rankings; it eats them and belches.
The quiet winner is Dave Rennie, three from three to open the Nations Championship since he controversially took the reins, now looking like a man who found the keys in a coat pocket. The unbeaten streak stands at 53 and the whole thing gets more absurd every year it survives. Next stop: a tour to South Africa, which is a bit like surviving the haunted house only to be handed a ticket to the actual abattoir. Enjoy the flight, boys. The Boks are ranked number one and in a filthy, filthy mood.