The final round-one result of the Nations Championship might be its funniest: Japan dismantled Italy 27-10 in Tokyo while their head coach, one Edward Jones Esquire, watched from afar, banned from the premises. Eddie Jones — the most quotable, most combustible, most press-conference-weaponised coach in the sport's history — was suspended for the opener, and his team responded to his absence by producing their most composed, adult performance in recent memory. Correlation is not causation, but somewhere a sports psychologist is updating their slides.
The star of the evening was fullback Takuro Matsunaga, who helped himself to 17 points, a try, and the quiet satisfaction of a man doing his taxes correctly. Captain Warner Dearns — a 2.01-metre lock captaining Japan, which tells you everything about where this project is heading — crashed over as well, and Ben Gunter added the third from the flank. Two tries before the break, one after, and a defensive effort that held one of the Six Nations to a single try in front of 20,000 delighted fans at Prince Chichibu Memorial Stadium.
Italy, meanwhile, have some thinking to do, and they'll have to do it quickly because their July only gets ruder from here. Ten points in Tokyo is a lean evening for a side that spent the last two Six Nations convincing everyone they were no longer the tournament's designated snack. On Saturday they were, regrettably, the snack — politely consumed, with ceremony, by a Brave Blossoms side that tackled like the hosts of a party determined to get their deposit back.
The bigger picture is the delicious one: the Nations Championship's opening weekend finished with the north taking three of six (Ireland, Scotland, Wales) and the south answering with three of its own (South Africa, New Zealand, Japan). A perfectly balanced ledger, a genuinely global scoreboard, and a competition that is one weekend old and already producing last-minute prop tries, citing controversies, thunderstorm subplots and a suspended Eddie Jones. This tournament understood the assignment.
As for Eddie: he returns to the touchline soon, presumably with opinions. His team just won by 17 without him. In any other job that's a performance review; in rugby it's Tuesday. Welcome to the big league, Japan — the ScrumAtMe braai salutes you, and reminds you that Ellis Park has your number saved for a future date.
The funniest 3 minutes in SA rugby, every week. Free. Kickoff times included so you never miss a Bok game.